Sunday, December 21, 2008

Zahid Hamid and His Funny Programs on Pakistani TV

If you are bored on a weekend, and want some humor, do check this lunatic who claims to be a Pakistani strategic expert called Jahid Hamid. Frankly, I haven't seen anything funnier than him on TV and best part is that he is damn serious about the whole business of his. He has incredible theories on almost all significant political events in world, which according to him are either Jews or Hindu Zionist (whatever it means) conspiracies to thwart the greatest nation on earth,Pakistan .

Yes, as per him, Pakistan is destined to be the leader of Ummah and Muslim world and the rest of the world and; Zionists , both the Israeli Jews and Indian Hindus are conspiring for decades to destory Pakistan. He tells us how 9/11 was a Jews conspiracy and how Mumbai terror attacks were actually handiwork of Hindu Zionists. He also tells us how Indian foreign policies are based on Mauryan empire of ancient India or how numerous scientist in labs throughout India are researching and studying intricate manuscripts to develop advanced weapons for army (like shoes which makes a soldier walk for miles wihout tiring) and how Indian Government is using Chnakya niti as a philosophy in Indian Diplomacy.

Jahid hamid is the most erudite, and knowledgeable security expert to have come out of great land of Pakistan. In fact , he could be the greatest Pakistani to have ever been born. So do check his videos of brasstack (his porgrame) on a Pakistani news channel called News1 on Youtube here. He talks about everything in world , ranging from Jews conspiracy to dominate the international economic system to how pimples on a Muslim girls face are handiwork of Hindu zionists.

And do check the beautiful girls acting as moderators or hosts on some of his shows. They seem to be trying hard to to seduce this dickhead , while sprouting innuendos and hatred of west in perfect westernized English. Go on Zahid Hamid...please entertain us more..........

Friday, December 19, 2008

Mumbai Attack, Shiv Sena and lawyer for Kasab

Shiva Sena has an editorial in its mouthpiece demanding an open , public hanging of Kasab. If I was asked what should be done with Kasab (Pakistani terrorist captured in Mumbai attack) soon after Mumbai attack, my answer had to be “shoot the bastard”. With some healthy dose of expletives. Such was the anger anybody would have felt. Such was the wanton violence Kasab and his cohorts had launched in Mumbai. Shiv Sena is also threatening lawyers not to stand in defense of Kasab.

But whole point of having a system is that you don’t circumvent it, you do not undermine it. We have a justice system in place and even though it is flawed and rotten and downright stupid at times with lawyers like Jethmalanis who spin incredible theories in name of criminal laws, it still is a system better than instant justice of Mullahs or Talibans or Shiva Sainiks or collective wisdom of crowds or mobs. System should not be undermined but improved. The fact is that our justice system sucks at the moment. We have had instances where a petty thief spent 5 years in jail without trial. And we have had cases where Pakistani terrorists were in our jails for 3 years before they were “rescued” by a fantastic airline hijacking. Why the heck were we keeping an enemy of state locked comfortably in our jail without convicting him, is beyond me.

What we need in case of Kasab is speedy trial and conviction which I don’t think can be anything but death. Shiv Sena’s demand of a public hanging is natural. One can not expect anything else from a party which has built its “career” on baser instincts.

The real solution of Pakistani terrorists attacking us so blatantly is to kill them in their own secret operations. Instill fear in their minds. Pursue them until they are caught or killed. There is no reason why Dawood should be alive till now. There is no reason why Maulana Masood Azhar is not liquidated. Pakistan is a failed state, state which has only exported terrorism and fundamentalism all across the world. It is also a land of amazing conspiracy theories like theory of 9/11 being perpetrated by Jews or Mumbai attack being a handiwork of Hindu Zionists. We can not except Pakistan to co-operate with us and hand over the terrorists whom it has created and nurtured. We can not expect out diplomacy to work with them . We can not always keepm running to US asking for pressure to be put on Pakistan and we can not always try to be good guys by showing so called restraint. Countries are also like men, some are reasonable and some are not. While dealing with unreasonable ass****, one has to become like one.

So yes, give a lawyer to Kasab, don’t hang him openly. But make the quick and without letting people like Jethmalanis and his ilk sprout higher wisdom in name of criminal justice. And use secret services to restart (stopped by one of our PMs) operations in Sindh , NWF and Baluchistan and bleed Pakistan. Let it know that if it can not handle non-state actors, then it has no right to exist as a state.

Addition of 10 more portly havaldars at airport, more checknakas on roads and useless frisking in cinema halls would do nothing. Nothing but covert, offensive operations can protect us in long run from terror exported from outside.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Mumbai Terror Attack and the Anger within

Dust finally seems to be settling down after a traumatic fortnight following the worst terrorist strike on India , in Mumbai, perpetrated by bunch of crazy lunatics across the border seeking their place in heaven with virgins by killing infidels in name of a God .

What can men do to find a place in an elusive paradise!!!

For past two weeks, there has hardly been anything being discussed in country other than terror strike in Mumbai. Most of newspaper pages and magzines have been full of it. Even the cookery sections started with some mention of terrorism and what happened in Mumbai. The sports commentators had more to comment on terror than the sports. Almost every Indian blog that I read for past two weeks , had a post on the incident. Even blogs which untill now only wrote poetry, could talk nothing but terror attack on Mumbai. TV news channels were obvioulsy having a field day with many journalists covering what would be thier biggest news story.

I was angry.Very angry. Like everybody else. It felt like a smack in your face. It felt like somebody barging in your house and slapping you hard. Many more were angry. Lot many, lot more. Many marched on streets with candles and many more with angry slogans and placards.

"We are angry, we need action" Many shouted.

For first time, it is been claimed that urban middleclass was so outraged that they took to mass protests. They shouted slogans against politicians, against corrupt system and our inpept leaders. The anger against terror soon turned into anger against our politicians who showed that most of them suffered from foot in mouth diesese which , proving to be highly contagious, during the crisis and afterwards spread like a wildefire. The worst hit was somebody named A- Chut-***** who went mad after being bitten by a stray dog and could talk nothing else but dogs and thier canine habits and even started barking .

So what are we angry at? No doubt, the odacity of attack created the outrgae we witnessed, but then, we have been on recieving end of this kind of cross-border terror for many decades now. and have virtually become a soft state where anybody can enter, kill and bomb. Writing in Hindustan Time, Vir Singhavi perhaps analysed it best as to why Urban middle class was so angry this time. He wrote that our anger is actually menfiestation of realisation that we are impotent. There is nothing much we can do to change the scenario or avenge the attack. We dont have visivble targets which we can go and bomb like US did after 9/11 and neither do we have the will to do that. But worse, the anger against political class, is due to the fact that we (urban middle class) know that we can hardly do anything to replace them. Most of us do not go and vote and even if we do, our votes hardly count. Politics in India is played on various fault lines and identities and not on issues. People vote to their caste, religion, sect and region. Small urban middle class hardly changes the equation and thats the reason politicians dont care about some urban youth coming on roads and shouting against them. We tend to forget easily. After every bomb blast, we feel outraged, leaders make repetitive statement and then soon it is forgotten and we get back to our internal bickering in name of region and religion.

As for as strong action against terror which is being demanded by citizens this time, I am afraid nothing much will change. We will get a central agency to unify our 100 incompetent Intelligence agencies, NSG will get cloned, we will see more policemen with bellies holdling AK-47s and thats about it. It will not change the fundamental issues of corruption, incompetence and impotence .

Corruption , because that is how our Coast guards let mafias in Pakistan smuggle diesel into India through sea route, same route through which Mumbai invaders came. Because that is how fake identity papers can be made, ration cards be bought. Because that is how millions of Bangladeshis have enteretd into India and have vanished. Incompetenece , because that is how every intelligence agency claims to have the intelligence of attack but nobody acts, Even Pannu Panwala knows about the impending attacks. And Impotence, because only that can explain our patience with anybody who tries to mess with us, again and again. Because that is how Dawood Ibrahim can still mock us sitting in his palace, because that is how Maulana Azhar Mahmood can still openly roam in cities of Pakistan and keep sending boys to attack our parliament. Because that is how ISI can do all the damage and RAW can not even know of its own officers defections.

Only option is to do what Israel Did after Black September, Go after these people and kill them in thier dens. Fear can only be faught with fear. But are we potent enough is the question!!